can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize