You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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