I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
