3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he was CRYING into my vagina
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
