dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
