I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
