i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
