btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
