guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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