my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
