I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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