No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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