thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my sisters under your porch take her home
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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