i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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