I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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