God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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