Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
