nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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