i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
