i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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