I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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