Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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