Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Holy shit dude........stairs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
