Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
