I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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