Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
