Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize