Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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