just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
