I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
