well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
