I seem to have left my pride at pride
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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