its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
