My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
