either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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