I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
