I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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