They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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