the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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