if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
