whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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