I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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