I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
