I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
