I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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