its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
