so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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