I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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