What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
