So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
