May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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