you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
