i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
