Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
