Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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