oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
