I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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