we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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