i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize