By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
