I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
