why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
