So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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