im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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