Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
