Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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