We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
