the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
