im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
